


Viewer Discretion

by keep_me_alone



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, NSFW, Porn Watching, The batcomputer is basically it's own person now, You've been warned, there's gonna be some weird (maybe triggery weird?????) stuff in here so just like, this isnt porn btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-01-29 03:59:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12622700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keep_me_alone/pseuds/keep_me_alone
Summary: Three short (not smut) stories about the three oldest Robins, the Batcomputer, their porn habits, and getting caught.





	1. Dick

The first time Bruce found out a Robin had been watching porn on the Batcomputer was shortly after Dick turned fourteen. Bruce didn’t walk in on him, thank God, he was just reviewing the search history to make sure the computer was only being put to its intended use. He hadn’t really expected to find anything. The searches started out fairly innocuous: ‘how old is super man,’ Okay, who hadn’t wondered that, ‘super man no shirt,’ which made Bruce look askance, but he was a muscular guy, probably thousands of people wanted to see him shirtless. And then some of the titles of pages he’d visited ‘Batman Vs Superman’, okay that one made sense, ‘Superman takes one for the team,’ his eyebrows slowly inched up his forehead, and then ‘Superman: Rod of Steel,’ there it was.

Bruce shoved himself away from the computer, accidentally sending himself halfway across the dais. He huffed, rubbing one hand over his face. Great, he loved having uncomfortable conversations. Bruce pushed the desk chair back over, and quickly deleted the search history for the last year. He was just being safe, after all what if Superman came over and somehow saw it. It was nightmare fuel.

Bruce went to the third floor, dragged himself down the hall to Dick’s room, and somehow made himself knock.

“Come in!” He opened the door and Dick half turned around. “Hey B, what’s up?” His math work was spread on the desk in front of him.  

“So, champ,” Bruce leaned against the wall, waited until he had Dick’s full attention. “You remember when we _talked_ last.” Dick’s eyes were wide when he looked up.

“Oh, uh yes?” Bruce cleared his throat uncomfortably. Whose idea had it been for him to adopt a kid anyway?

“You know that the Batcomputer is secure. That we do business on it.”

“Yes?” Now Dick was confused, wondering if he’d gotten the correct meaning from Bruce’s first statement.

“And you don’t want to accidentally download a virus on it.”

“…No…”

“Then, you probably shouldn’t…” He fiddled with his watch briefly, trying to figure the best way to continue. “I’ll buy you a laptop.”

“Bruce?” Bruce cut him off with a slight gesture.

“The Batcomputer is not to be used for watching pornography,” Something inside Dick visibly wilted, which was fine, because Bruce felt like dying too. Now Dick was babbling a little, apologizing, promising he wouldn’t do it again. Bruce interrupted him.

“Dick, I’m not mad.” There was a beat of awkward silence. “But, there is also the matter of what you were watching. I mean, the porn specifically.”

“Bruce! It’s fine! I won’t watch it any more. No more porn. Got it!”

“That is not what I’m suggesting.” Bruce cut in hurriedly, “Just that Superman, is well an adult, and besides that he’s not even human.”

“Are you saying _you’ve_ never had a crush on Superman?” Dick asked accusingly.

“Th-that’s not what we’re discussing here. Anyways, I’m older than Clark, so it’s not the same.” Dick started to say something, but Bruce just talked louder, “I’m just saying. Clark is much older than you. It isn’t appropriate for you to be thinking about him in that way.”

“Oh my god _Bruce_!” Dick yelled, dragging out his name. “I know, I know, He’s way more in your League than mine.” Bruce snorted at the pun. “And if an adult ever comes near me I’ll run away yelling Stranger Danger. I’m not _six.”_

“Even if that adult is Superman?”

“Yup. Absolutely. You can go now!”

“Alright, but just so we’re clear you’re _not_ going to be flirting with Clark Kent in this house?”

“Is that just so you can, though?” Bruce’s cheeks were just slightly brushed with pink.

“Okay! I said my piece. I’m going!” Bruce held up his hands in mock surrender and left the room. Alfred was in the hallway with a tray. “Where were you?” Bruce demanded.

“Ah well, I thought I’d leave you to it. Parenting one child was enough for me, thank you.”

And Bruce could’ve swore he saw a smile as Alfred stepped through the door.


	2. Tim

Bruce was immediately suspicious when he emerged into the main cave. It was dark and noisey. He'd just returned from a run in the caves, and had come out right near the computer on the main platform. He was disoriented by the absence of light, and was drawn to the luminous blue screens. The person at the computer was making a racket, frantically pawing at the keyboard and their clothes. There was a crash as he fell sideways out of the chair, pulling it on top of him as he fell. Bruce could see now that it was Tim. Thankfully, though tangled in his cape, he had managed to cover himself at some point. However, in his haste, Tim had hit the wrong button and instead of closing his browser, had made it fullscreen. The moaning, as Bruce identified it, continued.

In the interest of making things less uncomfortable, Bruce walked quickly over, stepping over Tim to pause the video. Unfortunately, that meant he also got a good look at what Tim was watching.  
"What is this?" Bruce asked.  
"Porn," Tim replied, cringing.   
"Yes but..." Bruce trailed off, not knowing quite how to phrase his next question. Tim laughed nervously as he stood.  
"It's like watching my sex tape." He regretted saying it immediately.   
Bruce felt somewhat ill, like he needed a coffee, or to lie down.  He looked more closely at the Robin in the video, trying to only see him, and not the restraints and exposed bodies. He couldn't look long.   
"You're sixteen. You shouldn't have a sex tape." He paused uncomfortably. "You don't, do you?"   
"Nonono!" Tim hurried to assure him, and Bruce relaxed just a bit.  
"Do we need to have a conversation about this?" He asked, still concerned about the... well about the nature of the video.  
"NO!" Tim shouted back. He took a breath, and when he spoke next his voice was almost level, though quite high. "Masturbation is a normal, healthy part of sexual development." His statement was belied by the flush creeping up his neck and over his cheeks.  
"I'd prefer it if you didn't do it in the Batcave though," Bruce told him firmly. "You * _can_ * have sex. Proved it's safe and," he swallowed,  looking at the screen, "consensual."   
"Ok well I'm probably not going to get into a five man gangbang any time soon, so I wouldn't worry about it." Bruce blushed ever so slightly as they both looked at each other with a strange kind of awkward intensity. Bruce cleared his throat.  
"Never mind, you can have sex when you're thirty. I'm locking up your suit when you aren't on patrol, as well."   
"Bruce!"   
"This," he gestured at Tim in his suit, and at the screen, which still showed a pinned down Robin, "Is not the intended use for the suit." Tim didn't really have a reply to that. "And you're losing your electronics for a week." And really, Tim still didn't feel in a position to argue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Low key tempted to write a fic of what Tim was watching lmao X'D


	3. Jason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weirdest/potentially funniest one pls don't @ me if u don't like it

Bruce could hear the porn as soon as he opened the car door. A man's high pitched, breathy moans, and a lower growling echoed around the cave. Bruce slammed the door shut, purposefully, hoping they would hear him. The porn continued to play.  
  
"Dick? Tim? Jason?.....Alfred??"  
  
Bruce shouted into the noise, but evidently whoever was running the computer couldn't hear him. The porn was very loud. Bruce sighed the long suffering sigh of a man who's raised four boys and knew the drill. All of the kids had laptops. He didn't understand why this still happened, but had come to accept it as one of life's constants. He'd raised a horde of exhibitionists.  
  
Still, Bruce was pretty surprised when he came around the computer to see Jason, not just because he was completely missing his pants, but because Jason had always been fairly well behaved in this. Sure, Alfred had had to have a talk with him about throwing out his crusty socks, but otherwise he hadn't lived with Bruce long enough to cause too much trouble.   
  
But here Jason was, a black Fleshlight wrapped around his dick, and though Bruce made a Herculean effort not to look, he'd still seen the tiny bat ears. Not to mention that Jason, though clearly aware of Bruce's presence, still hadn't taken his hands off the toy. If Bruce had been paying attention, and he definitely wasn't, he might've though Jason had actually picked up the pace.   
  
Bruce unplugged the speakers, then cleared his throat. Jason ignored him. Bruce lightly slapped Jason's shoulder and immediately stepped back when Jason groaned loudly.   
  
"Jason!"   
  
Jason's reply was punctuated with small gasps. " _Un_ , I'm, _uh_ kinda busy.... here... Boss."  
  
Bruce didn't visibly react. He looked at Jason. Looked at the computer screen, which was a mistake. *Skinny Twink Gets Pounded By Batman's Thick Rod*, read the video. The man doing the pounding was wearing a pretty passable costume too. Bruce shut his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He thought about how many things he was going to have to disinfect now, and wished he could disinfect his consciousness too. Jason was still going, really didn't look like he was going to stop anytime soon, so Bruce did the only thing he could think of. He just walked away.

 

**Epilogue**

And then Tim had accidentally downloaded a virus onto the Batcomputer while torrenting the new Sims game, and what with Damian moving in and starting to grow up, he decided to install parental controls. They all had laptops by now. The Batcomputer was business only now, which was why Bruce was very surprised to find Alfred on the Batcomputer early one morning. He’d come up quite quietly, and thankfully Alfred hadn’t seen him, because Alfred was definitely watching porn. It wasn’t loud, and Bruce for sure wasn’t taking a closer look, but he could still tell. Bruce backed up slowly, Alfred was sitting still as a statue. He was watching with his head tilted slightly, and that’s all he was doing, just watching. It was eerie as hell. As soon as Bruce was sure he was out of earshot, he bolted back up the stairs. That was definitely he never needed to discuss or even ever think about ever again.


End file.
